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Trump Announces New Strategic Alliance with Mordor
“Frodo doesn’t want peace,” President insists.
The US president surprised the allied kingdoms of Middle Earth with the announcement he has been communicating directly with Lord Sauron of Mordor, since before the recent election.
“Look, he just wants his precious ring back, that’s all,” the president insisted.
Trump elaborated that it was the search for his ring that led Lord Sauron to amass an army of millions of orcs and send them into various kingdoms. Verified reports confirm the orcs have murdered tens of thousands and turned parts of Middle Earth into barren, scorched earth.
“He didn’t do that,” Trump said, waving away video clips from all three LOTR films of orcs committing atrocities, adding that “these are low quality productions that nobody watched, so boring.”
The president continued, “And if Sauron did commit atrocities, he had good reason. He was just after his ring. He’s a very fine person. Maybe he likes his bling-bling a little much. Hey, I like the bling-bling, too. But he shows me respect. Not like those corrupt transgender woke elves, or those commie-socialist Hobbits. Are they even dwarves?”
“Nasty Hobbitses!” mewled Vice President JD Gollum, gnashing his pointed teeth. “They stole…
